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Ping2 on the RUN =D

I set my goals high! Yes, I fell hard all the time but time and again have shown me that I landed stronger, to climb again! When you know you are going blind, you wake up everyday not to meet others' expectation, but to work hard for what you truly enjoy and believe in. This is my journey

Yoga Revolution by Yoga With Adriene

I try to do yoga most days, I actually feel yoga is helpful.  What I hope for yoga is to bring yoga “off the mat”.  There is a lot of yoga practises like breathing, posture, etc we can apply in our everyday life.  Healthy lifestyle is not just eating healthily, your environment, stress level, you happiness, including your interaction with everything around you.
Most morning I will practise Yoga with Adriene and recently I decided to follow her Yoga Revolution: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nvlxn0EnmbM&list=PLui6Eyny-Uzzl1q-GskVUZp6Fk8nIr9rK
I am losing my eyesight, called off my engagement, struggling to finish my PhD and yoga revolution to my rescue.  What I did other than yoga revolution: wrote down my off mat experience for my PhD.  I need to preserve, lots of grit till I finish!
1. Practise Ease – feeling comfortable with research
2. Practise Intention – I want to learn new things, self learning
3. Honour Practise – it is an honour for the scholarship
4. Prana Practise – bring life to your work
5. Practise Rhythm – one software at a time
6. Attention or abs Practise – pay attention to details
7. Stability Practise – emotionally stable to face your committee
8. Practise Serenity – at peace with your work
9. Empower Practise – empower those that are scared of PhD
10. Thoughtful Practise – be thoughtful, everyone goes through some hardship
11. Align Practise – align your thought and research aim
12. In Sync Practise – in sync with current research
13. Practise Opening – open your mind and heart to new ideas
14. Forgiveness Practise – forgive yourself, pass research experiences
15. Fearless Practise – don’t be afraid of being good in research
16. Sweet Practise – taste the sweetness of accomplishing small tasks
17. Practise Stillness – the stillness of research road block
18. Balancing Practise – balance research and discussion
19. Light Practise – when reaching a road block, do light reading
20. Practise Peace – be at peace with everything
21. Practise Strength – have the strength to continue on
22. Gentle Practise – be gentle with yourself when you can’t think
23. Discipline Practise – discipline with writing
24. Practise Patience – have tonnes of patience in research
25. Root Practise – always return to your root
26. Creativity Practise – try something new in your research
27. Self Practise – is all about yourself
28. Heart Practise – put your heart into your research
29. Truth Practise – always seek the truth in your research
30. Intuition Practise – trust that instinct!
31. Practise Presence – is now!  Everything is as it should be
Thank you Adriene and her team and of course, YouTube!
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Writing the last lap

I am currently writing my thesis, having my first full draft out, I came across this video:

How to Finish Your PhD Thesis in 6 Months Even If You Have No Idea What To Write

The advice about just write.  I am going to share my experience with all you.  I attended not once, not twice but thrice thesis bootcamp.  What is a thesis bootcamp?  Is a camp where you just write!  Was it useful?

Yes, to a level.  I got my chapter 3 done and bits of pieces of everything.  I will share with all of you what I wish I knew then.

The advice given by The Scholarpreneur is helpful but when science is involved, a slight more things need to be done if you have not completed your experiments.

This is what we are taught:

http://www.sciencebuddies.org/science-fair-projects/project_scientific_method.shtml

What I feel is missing from that flow is guessing the outcome even before we start the experiment in order to be able to write about it.  This is what you should do before we start writing when your experiments are not complete:

http://archive.bio.ed.ac.uk/jdeacon/statistics/tress2.html

The good thing about just writing, force yourself to look at your work and how everything connects to each other.  You will also realised if there is any missing experiments.  What you need to do here is make sure you mark that part up, continue on writing and running your experiments.  Once you have the results, just fill them in!

Once you force yourself to write and the first full draft is out.  I have this problem.  My supervisors give me feedback and I am back to square one, the writer’s block!  What???!!!  You wrote 100 over pages and yet when the feedbacks come back you get stuck???!!!!  Yea with innocent look *-*

I am going to share my method with you.  It works for me, I am not sure if it will work for others, but hey, you are stuck, no harm trying!

This is what I called the bullseyes!  If you know how bullseyes target is one round after another till you reach that red dot!  Read the feedback by your supervisors, see if the part is related to other parts.  If not, read that section again, if you need write it out in point form, like you will write a point when reading a textbook or paper.  Draw a mind map, by this stage you should be able to see the connections with the various part already.  Improve on the mindmap if you are to improve on that part, then write or revised based on that mindmap!  Once you are done with that section, same approach, move the the next feedback your supervisors have given you!

The most important part here is not to loose the momentum.  Once you live what you write too long, you will have harder times picking it up but hopefully with the bullseyes target, you will be able to connect things again!

Yes, you can get another person to review your work but part of the skills you need to build is criticising your own work.  In a PhD, you can be as detailed in your experiments but you know your experiments so well, every settings!  When you write it down, everything seems to be have been “understood” but not your readers!  Read your own work, Attack! Attack! Attack!  Continue on with the mindmapping so you don’t get lose in 100 over pages but improve on your own writing.  Not an easy skill to pick, but if a skill you need to pick to move as a researcher!

You know you have done the first full draft, procrastination kicks in! Is time to count the days! Read this: https://www.forbes.com/sites/kevinkruse/2016/02/23/the-truth-behind-why-we-procrastinate/#5736094516cc

All the best to myself, I hope I can finish the 2nd round in 4 weeks time.  Keep pushing, dont give up, you come so far!  Only those that persevere gets it done!

Helping myself to Heal

I wasted all my time googling about a crush.  Now I remember clearly why in the first place I call off my previous engagement: you only think you are helping me, but you never know what I really want.  What do I want?

I set out a task to help myself to heal.  I search keywords such as: how to let go of an old flame, love addiction, how to be not so obsess with a crush, how to love myself more, these are the results I selected out and read

What I learned?  Is stated to write it down to help me heal.  Here it goes:

First, identify the pattern.  The most dangerous pattern I can identify, I was in a 8 years relationship since I was a teenager.  Over the course, I had always wanted to call it off but never did, I stayed on hoping someone will come and rescue me.   If I recall, there was engagement proposal which I am gladly rejected.

Similar pattern emerges in my previous engagement, I too rejected his proposal.  In all the relationships, serious or just dates, I always imagine the relationships I expect.  Showering me with gifts, make me feel special, nothing wrong with all these but am I in love with the feeling or am I really in love with the person?

The pattern keep repeating and you get stuck in a relationship, it becomes unhealthy.  When I am in a relationship, I feel entirely secure!  Once I am off, I start checking on new crush, reading horoscope in the hope it will tell me when is my next love, imagining “in love” moments with a crush!  To a level, I tried to make myself look pretty again!  All these which I do not do at all when I am in a relationship.  Creepy!  Is a clear sign of my own self insecurity, using a relationship to make myself feel secure.  I actually made the statement before, I rather bleed to death than to die alone.  Loneliness is not the issue, my insecurities are.

One more pattern I display, after my first ex, on and off there are dates which abruptly, I will end it.  I know I am scared but I am not sure I am scared of what?  I searched commitment problem, I fear marriage.   http://www.lovepanky.com/love-couch/better-love/signs-fear-of-commitment

I fear of having my heart broken, maybe I am afraid of letting someone knows me, afraid it doesn’t work out, maybe I know, he is not the right one, I fear leaving my family, \cite the webpage, will not fit into my friends or stop me from being with my friends, leave me, doesn’t know how to take care of me.

If you cannot love yourself, do not hurt yourself.  Another bad pattern I have I will imagine this person happily with another person.  In reality is all imagination and why hurt yourself?  Let go, is different than denying your feelings, such easy word that is hard to achieve but give yourself time to heal.

To further follow the advice, starting from today, 11417, the next 6 month – no contact new and old “flame”, no texting.  Instead of contemplating how if we are together, stop being silly, no such thing happen.  Breath in to make my own positive bubble grow, this of his bubble floating away.  My crush’s bubble, fly fly away  🙂

What I wish for myself is I will be able to make myself feel better, feel secure, break this bad love pattern.  Instead of imagining how my “love” will see me, why not I imagine how I want to see myself, what I want myself to achieve, like being able to perform a song, for example: rather than imagining my “love” being proud of me because I am strong as a person and able to overcome relationship problem, I imagine myself looking at myself and be proud of myself 🙂

If anyone is to ask me what is love, honestly, I have no idea but at least now I know I have to deal with my insecurity first before embarking on another journey in search of the answer to that question.

I will be able to do it, anyone that gives themselves chance, can do it!

Control the Mind or the Mind will Control You

Have you ever daydream you achieve certain success or being in a relationship, but all these are just your imagination?  We are asked to dream big, but in most cases, are we just hallucinating, or are we working towards that dream?  We never take action, the person never knew you like them, but you continue on daydreaming…and daydreaming…in a never ending circle.  The worst case, dwelling into the same problem over and over again.

Instead, take that small step.  If you imagine yourself getting that promotion, why not talk to you colleagues or friends is the promotion is available, or how to get there.  Be friends with that person, or simply, join a class you always wanted.  This is what I called Small Step that makes wonders!

Once you break free from daydreaming, you will slowly open your hearts, open your eyes to even more wonderful things.

Fight or leave

I read an article this morning that Strong Women Leave.  I understand that article because if you are trapped in a bad relationship, you must be strong enough to leave.  I am stuck again in my PhD, I cannot get the installation of the software to work even after trying hard for 2 weeks and my due date is so close.  My supervisor pointed out, is because I do not understand the basic concept of build.  I strongly agree, before this I have no idea what is a Maven and Ant, not to mention a checksum.  I wish I can pretend to know, but neh!  Not my style.  I cried because I felt disappointed with myself.  Then suddenly I realised, even if I cried, I am not going to give up.  There are things you just don’t leave, you fight!

This melts back, there is no such thing as prefect relationship.  Some are just not worth fighting.  I will not go the level that strong women fight because I am not even close to being a strong woman.  However, if you feel it is worth it, cry, keep fighting, enjoy the whole process.  Ah, now I feel so much better voicing this out!

Seeing your life with new eyes

Have you ever stop and look at your own life not to reflect because what have happened, is irreversible.  Just purely winding back like an old film rolling right in front of you but instead of looking for places you can improve, you look at an entirely new perspective, in a positive manner, as though a light is shown on you at that time?

Everyday we remind ourselves to keep fighting, to be constantly better, but how if we just stop.  Take deep breath.  Listen instead to our surrounding, the quietness, the noisiness, and most of all, listen to your inner voice.

When I was younger, people will ask, what type of guy do you like?  I shyly answered, I don’t know and I mean every word I said.  To add up to that, I actually has a boyfriend then.  Funny this sounds.  Sadly to admit, a lot of things in my life, I didn’t know what I want.  I always think is alright, just go with the flow.  Is it?  I think no one will really know the answer.  Now I reach a point in life, is alright to don’t know, but when you look back, you can look back using the exact eyes you look at when you are at that moment or you can look at it as more mature, a person with better outlook on life.  If it was a mistake, is alright, admit it was a mistake, don’t be harsh on yourself, learn from it and move on.  If you did well, applaud yourself, stay humble, always move on.

Now, try look back with entirely new eyes, question yourself, why didn’t I see it that way?  Could I have see it another way?  Is there a better or worse way of looking at it?  That will really make you look at your life entirely differently.  For my case, before this I will think why didn’t I be with this person, but now, when I look back, I was not ready at all.  Or in another eye, with my level of indecisiveness, the outcome might have been disastrous!

Living in a man’s insecurity

You wanted the engagement because you fear I will walk away from you once I am away, you never dare to face reality, I am losing my sight, you even dare to admit, you didn’t realised was your answer.  When I called it off, you replied, how if I can’t find another one?

Now that I can open up, I admit, I was blinded by what is so called “love”.  Looking back, everything you work for is to cover up your insecurity.

When you hold a PhD from one of the best university in the world, you are once a sportsman, coming from a good family background, having a bright career ahead, what you really want is it really another trophy?  Maybe what you need is lady to match all those?  Lacking that happy family photo?  I do not blame you.  Most of us even if we never admit, we want security.  We do wish we have something to blame, maybe we can blame that this is how the society “measures” and “expect” of a success man?

Regardless, is a learning experience.  I hope I can be a better person, have a better stand especially  in my own happiness.  Learning to forgive and open up again

Forgive..pure and cleansing

When someone said a certain topic or the name of a certain person, your face or body tensed up?  Maybe the person did you wrong, maybe the situation was really indeed affecting you badly.  After some time, you still hold to that bad moment, maybe is a reminder, a learning experience you feel you need to keep reminding yourself.  Have you ever tried letting it go?  Letting it go is different than forgetting it, is a chance for yourself to be free to open up, experience new experience.  The movie “Now you see me 2”, the Fool card, it does not mean you are a fool, it means clean slate.   Only those who experience, forgive and letting go will understand what how pure and cleansing it to your soul

To stand or Not to Stand?

I need to warn those attempting to try one.  Different people have different heights and is not only about heights, your hand length, basically whole body.  I tried a cheaper version compared to a more expensive one where I can adjust sand and sit.  When I first started, it was not easy to focus, meaning, new programming task, I have to force myself to focus.  After a while, if you got used to it, no standing table, can be pain!!!!

I stopped using a standing table when I got back.  Despite me doing yoga in the morning, taking 5 mins break and jog in the evening, the back pain is terrible when you sit whole day to write!

The key here is not to be the same position all the time.  There is a few 5 mins break videos I like, which do not require yoga mat and purely standing:

My old one, just a cheaper stand, the problem was the monitor to low.  Long term, I did get back pain.  I stop using it.

IMG_1974

My new cooler one! 😀  Yes, with the keyboard compartment sliding out and you can adjust to stand or sit!

StandingLaptopDesk

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