Ping2 on the RUN =D

I set my goals high! Yes, I fell hard all the time but time and again have shown me that I landed stronger, to climb again! When you know you are going blind, you wake up everyday not to meet others' expectation, but to work hard for what you truly enjoy and believe in. This is my journey

We will be old one day

When my grandma can’t walk anymore, she started screaming at everyone, partially due to the frustration, partially because she feel her children will come to her rescue.  She is 92 years old, she used to be independent and was a woman way ahead of her time.  She had proper eduction, she had a career as a teacher.  After retirement, she even travelled to different countries,  She put effort to join dance classes, tai chi classes and even after 80 years old, she still go out for a walk on her on every morning.  Suddenly, she “lose” that independence.

One day while waiting for my friend to pick me up to work, my mum sitting by the window, looking out at parents sending their children to the school opposite my house, announced, “I was once like them.  I was so pre-occupied with children and everyday life, I never imagine myself one day I will be old and will need assistance.”

When we were little, we depend on our parents, we even look up to them.  As we grew up, we tried to be independent as much as possible.  We set to achieve what we want to achieve and just generally are able to handle things.  We are told to save for retirement but less on mental preparation that one day we need to be “assisted”.

The society “imposed” a certain expectation of being a parents.   These past years, I learned that if we mess up, our parents too messed up.  I feel learning to accept them as “imperfect” makes me appreciate them more.  I always hear people complaining about ageing parents, my mum or dad doesn’t follow the diet they should, they are not taking their medication, they are this and that.  Maybe now we are healthy, we tried keeping ourselves healthy so we aged gracefully.  What makes life unique, is the imperfection in a “perfect” world.  Being able to accept parents as any adults helps us to be able to assist our parents better.  If you feel the frustration of “nagging” them, they too are frustrated that they can’t be independent.  Most importantly, accepting parents as any human beings is the starting point of us opening up to prepare for old age, both physically and mentally.

One day, we will be old.


The Choice is always in your hand

“Never give up your power to another person” – Oprah Winfrey

I heard that quote before but today I experience first hand what that means.  The idea for a grant came from my brother in law but together with my student we came up with the grant application.  However, due to administrative reason, I had to appoint another person as the leader of the grant application.  Right before submission,  the leader added a lot of people that have no idea of the grant at all.  I understand it was a strategic movement as the grant will “look” as though there is more collaborators from varieties of areas.  Furthermore, if the grant is approved, these collaborators can always contribute later but they too can choose not to contribute.  I am now practising to be authentic, remembering the quote, I stated that I did not feel comfortable adding members which do not know anything at all.  However, it was too late, the grant had been submitted.

Coming from a family where you follow every instructions given to you, I am happy I stated what I felt although nothing can be done anymore.  #GirlCode

Now, I am hoping if the grant did get accepted, all members will contribute 🙂 #BePositive


Grounding on Gratitude

I would never ever to think I will ever be grateful to “have” RP before this, but now, whenever I see someone “giving up” their lives, it makes me think, I should be grateful of RP.

RP makes me a stronger person.

RP makes me cherish everything I can see.

RP makes me search for what I really want to do in life, places I want to explore, what I want to achieve.

RP makes me appreciate the people that truly cares.

RP makes me to take my health seriously.

RP shows me that I can do a lot of things even with limited vision.

I choose to live my life to the fullest, so can you!

RP-ers, do you guys have low hemoglobin?

Purely out of curiosity, do RP patients have lower hemoglobin count?

RP and Food!

This paper presents nutrition and RP.

I need to emphasise here, the progression of RP disease is very much dependant on the patients and no concrete evidence that nutrients can indeed slower down the disease.  I am just purely sharing my experience here.  Since about 4 years back, I tried my best to eat right.  Every morning, I will have my 1/2 boiled egg, for the lutein.  Consistently everyday I have my vitamin A palmitate and Lutein, a table a day.  I try my best to eat as 3 types of different colour fruits a day and vegetables.  In the morning too, I will drink honey, most time with a little bit of lime or lemon juice.  I minimise my rice and bread intake.  I have fish at least one a week and other protein in present in every dinner.  I try to keep a healthy lifestyle, not only food, I will do yoga most morning and run on alternate days.  I too try to sleep 8 hours a day.  My biggest “weakness”: thick black tea.

The question now, how do I feel the progression of the disease?  I still have a good amount of vision despite the fact that I hit 37 this year.  Night central vision is still alright although peripheral or side vision is terrible.



Yoga Revolution by Yoga With Adriene

I try to do yoga most days, I actually feel yoga is helpful.  What I hope for yoga is to bring yoga “off the mat”.  There is a lot of yoga practises like breathing, posture, etc we can apply in our everyday life.  Healthy lifestyle is not just eating healthily, your environment, stress level, you happiness, including your interaction with everything around you.
Most morning I will practise Yoga with Adriene and recently I decided to follow her Yoga Revolution:
I am losing my eyesight, called off my engagement, struggling to finish my PhD and yoga revolution to my rescue.  What I did other than yoga revolution: wrote down my off mat experience for my PhD.  I need to preserve, lots of grit till I finish!
1. Practise Ease – feeling comfortable with research
2. Practise Intention – I want to learn new things, self learning
3. Honour Practise – it is an honour for the scholarship
4. Prana Practise – bring life to your work
5. Practise Rhythm – one software at a time
6. Attention or abs Practise – pay attention to details
7. Stability Practise – emotionally stable to face your committee
8. Practise Serenity – at peace with your work
9. Empower Practise – empower those that are scared of PhD
10. Thoughtful Practise – be thoughtful, everyone goes through some hardship
11. Align Practise – align your thought and research aim
12. In Sync Practise – in sync with current research
13. Practise Opening – open your mind and heart to new ideas
14. Forgiveness Practise – forgive yourself, pass research experiences
15. Fearless Practise – don’t be afraid of being good in research
16. Sweet Practise – taste the sweetness of accomplishing small tasks
17. Practise Stillness – the stillness of research road block
18. Balancing Practise – balance research and discussion
19. Light Practise – when reaching a road block, do light reading
20. Practise Peace – be at peace with everything
21. Practise Strength – have the strength to continue on
22. Gentle Practise – be gentle with yourself when you can’t think
23. Discipline Practise – discipline with writing
24. Practise Patience – have tonnes of patience in research
25. Root Practise – always return to your root
26. Creativity Practise – try something new in your research
27. Self Practise – is all about yourself
28. Heart Practise – put your heart into your research
29. Truth Practise – always seek the truth in your research
30. Intuition Practise – trust that instinct!
31. Practise Presence – is now!  Everything is as it should be
Thank you Adriene and her team and of course, YouTube!

Writing the last lap

I am currently writing my thesis, having my first full draft out, I came across this video:

How to Finish Your PhD Thesis in 6 Months Even If You Have No Idea What To Write

The advice about just write.  I am going to share my experience with all you.  I attended not once, not twice but thrice thesis bootcamp.  What is a thesis bootcamp?  Is a camp where you just write!  Was it useful?

Yes, to a level.  I got my chapter 3 done and bits of pieces of everything.  I will share with all of you what I wish I knew then.

The advice given by The Scholarpreneur is helpful but when science is involved, a slight more things need to be done if you have not completed your experiments.

This is what we are taught:

What I feel is missing from that flow is guessing the outcome even before we start the experiment in order to be able to write about it.  This is what you should do before we start writing when your experiments are not complete:

The good thing about just writing, force yourself to look at your work and how everything connects to each other.  You will also realised if there is any missing experiments.  What you need to do here is make sure you mark that part up, continue on writing and running your experiments.  Once you have the results, just fill them in!

Once you force yourself to write and the first full draft is out.  I have this problem.  My supervisors give me feedback and I am back to square one, the writer’s block!  What???!!!  You wrote 100 over pages and yet when the feedbacks come back you get stuck???!!!!  Yea with innocent look *-*

I am going to share my method with you.  It works for me, I am not sure if it will work for others, but hey, you are stuck, no harm trying!

This is what I called the bullseyes!  If you know how bullseyes target is one round after another till you reach that red dot!  Read the feedback by your supervisors, see if the part is related to other parts.  If not, read that section again, if you need write it out in point form, like you will write a point when reading a textbook or paper.  Draw a mind map, by this stage you should be able to see the connections with the various part already.  Improve on the mindmap if you are to improve on that part, then write or revised based on that mindmap!  Once you are done with that section, same approach, move the the next feedback your supervisors have given you!

The most important part here is not to loose the momentum.  Once you live what you write too long, you will have harder times picking it up but hopefully with the bullseyes target, you will be able to connect things again!

Yes, you can get another person to review your work but part of the skills you need to build is criticising your own work.  In a PhD, you can be as detailed in your experiments but you know your experiments so well, every settings!  When you write it down, everything seems to be have been “understood” but not your readers!  Read your own work, Attack! Attack! Attack!  Continue on with the mindmapping so you don’t get lose in 100 over pages but improve on your own writing.  Not an easy skill to pick, but if a skill you need to pick to move as a researcher!

You know you have done the first full draft, procrastination kicks in! Is time to count the days! Read this:

All the best to myself, I hope I can finish the 2nd round in 4 weeks time.  Keep pushing, dont give up, you come so far!  Only those that persevere gets it done!

Helping myself to Heal

I wasted all my time googling about a crush.  Now I remember clearly why in the first place I call off my previous engagement: you only think you are helping me, but you never know what I really want.  What do I want?

I set out a task to help myself to heal.  I search keywords such as: how to let go of an old flame, love addiction, how to be not so obsess with a crush, how to love myself more, these are the results I selected out and read

What I learned?  Is stated to write it down to help me heal.  Here it goes:

First, identify the pattern.  The most dangerous pattern I can identify, I was in a 8 years relationship since I was a teenager.  Over the course, I had always wanted to call it off but never did, I stayed on hoping someone will come and rescue me.   If I recall, there was engagement proposal which I am gladly rejected.

Similar pattern emerges in my previous engagement, I too rejected his proposal.  In all the relationships, serious or just dates, I always imagine the relationships I expect.  Showering me with gifts, make me feel special, nothing wrong with all these but am I in love with the feeling or am I really in love with the person?

The pattern keep repeating and you get stuck in a relationship, it becomes unhealthy.  When I am in a relationship, I feel entirely secure!  Once I am off, I start checking on new crush, reading horoscope in the hope it will tell me when is my next love, imagining “in love” moments with a crush!  To a level, I tried to make myself look pretty again!  All these which I do not do at all when I am in a relationship.  Creepy!  Is a clear sign of my own self insecurity, using a relationship to make myself feel secure.  I actually made the statement before, I rather bleed to death than to die alone.  Loneliness is not the issue, my insecurities are.

One more pattern I display, after my first ex, on and off there are dates which abruptly, I will end it.  I know I am scared but I am not sure I am scared of what?  I searched commitment problem, I fear marriage.

I fear of having my heart broken, maybe I am afraid of letting someone knows me, afraid it doesn’t work out, maybe I know, he is not the right one, I fear leaving my family, \cite the webpage, will not fit into my friends or stop me from being with my friends, leave me, doesn’t know how to take care of me.

If you cannot love yourself, do not hurt yourself.  Another bad pattern I have I will imagine this person happily with another person.  In reality is all imagination and why hurt yourself?  Let go, is different than denying your feelings, such easy word that is hard to achieve but give yourself time to heal.

To further follow the advice, starting from today, 11417, the next 6 month – no contact new and old “flame”, no texting.  Instead of contemplating how if we are together, stop being silly, no such thing happen.  Breath in to make my own positive bubble grow, this of his bubble floating away.  My crush’s bubble, fly fly away  🙂

What I wish for myself is I will be able to make myself feel better, feel secure, break this bad love pattern.  Instead of imagining how my “love” will see me, why not I imagine how I want to see myself, what I want myself to achieve, like being able to perform a song, for example: rather than imagining my “love” being proud of me because I am strong as a person and able to overcome relationship problem, I imagine myself looking at myself and be proud of myself 🙂

If anyone is to ask me what is love, honestly, I have no idea but at least now I know I have to deal with my insecurity first before embarking on another journey in search of the answer to that question.

I will be able to do it, anyone that gives themselves chance, can do it!

Control the Mind or the Mind will Control You

Have you ever daydream you achieve certain success or being in a relationship, but all these are just your imagination?  We are asked to dream big, but in most cases, are we just hallucinating, or are we working towards that dream?  We never take action, the person never knew you like them, but you continue on daydreaming…and daydreaming…in a never ending circle.  The worst case, dwelling into the same problem over and over again.

Instead, take that small step.  If you imagine yourself getting that promotion, why not talk to you colleagues or friends is the promotion is available, or how to get there.  Be friends with that person, or simply, join a class you always wanted.  This is what I called Small Step that makes wonders!

Once you break free from daydreaming, you will slowly open your hearts, open your eyes to even more wonderful things.

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