Ping2 on the RUN =D

I set my goals high! Yes, I fell hard all the time but time and again have shown me that I landed stronger, to climb again! When you know you are going blind, you wake up everyday not to meet others' expectation, but to work hard for what you truly enjoy and believe in. This is my journey


April 2017

Writing the last lap

I am currently writing my thesis, having my first full draft out, I came across this video:

How to Finish Your PhD Thesis in 6 Months Even If You Have No Idea What To Write

The advice about just write.  I am going to share my experience with all you.  I attended not once, not twice but thrice thesis bootcamp.  What is a thesis bootcamp?  Is a camp where you just write!  Was it useful?

Yes, to a level.  I got my chapter 3 done and bits of pieces of everything.  I will share with all of you what I wish I knew then.

The advice given by The Scholarpreneur is helpful but when science is involved, a slight more things need to be done if you have not completed your experiments.

This is what we are taught:

What I feel is missing from that flow is guessing the outcome even before we start the experiment in order to be able to write about it.  This is what you should do before we start writing when your experiments are not complete:

The good thing about just writing, force yourself to look at your work and how everything connects to each other.  You will also realised if there is any missing experiments.  What you need to do here is make sure you mark that part up, continue on writing and running your experiments.  Once you have the results, just fill them in!

Once you force yourself to write and the first full draft is out.  I have this problem.  My supervisors give me feedback and I am back to square one, the writer’s block!  What???!!!  You wrote 100 over pages and yet when the feedbacks come back you get stuck???!!!!  Yea with innocent look *-*

I am going to share my method with you.  It works for me, I am not sure if it will work for others, but hey, you are stuck, no harm trying!

This is what I called the bullseyes!  If you know how bullseyes target is one round after another till you reach that red dot!  Read the feedback by your supervisors, see if the part is related to other parts.  If not, read that section again, if you need write it out in point form, like you will write a point when reading a textbook or paper.  Draw a mind map, by this stage you should be able to see the connections with the various part already.  Improve on the mindmap if you are to improve on that part, then write or revised based on that mindmap!  Once you are done with that section, same approach, move the the next feedback your supervisors have given you!

The most important part here is not to loose the momentum.  Once you live what you write too long, you will have harder times picking it up but hopefully with the bullseyes target, you will be able to connect things again!

Yes, you can get another person to review your work but part of the skills you need to build is criticising your own work.  In a PhD, you can be as detailed in your experiments but you know your experiments so well, every settings!  When you write it down, everything seems to be have been “understood” but not your readers!  Read your own work, Attack! Attack! Attack!  Continue on with the mindmapping so you don’t get lose in 100 over pages but improve on your own writing.  Not an easy skill to pick, but if a skill you need to pick to move as a researcher!

You know you have done the first full draft, procrastination kicks in! Is time to count the days! Read this:

All the best to myself, I hope I can finish the 2nd round in 4 weeks time.  Keep pushing, dont give up, you come so far!  Only those that persevere gets it done!


Helping myself to Heal

I wasted all my time googling about a crush.  Now I remember clearly why in the first place I call off my previous engagement: you only think you are helping me, but you never know what I really want.  What do I want?

I set out a task to help myself to heal.  I search keywords such as: how to let go of an old flame, love addiction, how to be not so obsess with a crush, how to love myself more, these are the results I selected out and read

What I learned?  Is stated to write it down to help me heal.  Here it goes:

First, identify the pattern.  The most dangerous pattern I can identify, I was in a 8 years relationship since I was a teenager.  Over the course, I had always wanted to call it off but never did, I stayed on hoping someone will come and rescue me.   If I recall, there was engagement proposal which I am gladly rejected.

Similar pattern emerges in my previous engagement, I too rejected his proposal.  In all the relationships, serious or just dates, I always imagine the relationships I expect.  Showering me with gifts, make me feel special, nothing wrong with all these but am I in love with the feeling or am I really in love with the person?

The pattern keep repeating and you get stuck in a relationship, it becomes unhealthy.  When I am in a relationship, I feel entirely secure!  Once I am off, I start checking on new crush, reading horoscope in the hope it will tell me when is my next love, imagining “in love” moments with a crush!  To a level, I tried to make myself look pretty again!  All these which I do not do at all when I am in a relationship.  Creepy!  Is a clear sign of my own self insecurity, using a relationship to make myself feel secure.  I actually made the statement before, I rather bleed to death than to die alone.  Loneliness is not the issue, my insecurities are.

One more pattern I display, after my first ex, on and off there are dates which abruptly, I will end it.  I know I am scared but I am not sure I am scared of what?  I searched commitment problem, I fear marriage.

I fear of having my heart broken, maybe I am afraid of letting someone knows me, afraid it doesn’t work out, maybe I know, he is not the right one, I fear leaving my family, \cite the webpage, will not fit into my friends or stop me from being with my friends, leave me, doesn’t know how to take care of me.

If you cannot love yourself, do not hurt yourself.  Another bad pattern I have I will imagine this person happily with another person.  In reality is all imagination and why hurt yourself?  Let go, is different than denying your feelings, such easy word that is hard to achieve but give yourself time to heal.

To further follow the advice, starting from today, 11417, the next 6 month – no contact new and old “flame”, no texting.  Instead of contemplating how if we are together, stop being silly, no such thing happen.  Breath in to make my own positive bubble grow, this of his bubble floating away.  My crush’s bubble, fly fly away  🙂

What I wish for myself is I will be able to make myself feel better, feel secure, break this bad love pattern.  Instead of imagining how my “love” will see me, why not I imagine how I want to see myself, what I want myself to achieve, like being able to perform a song, for example: rather than imagining my “love” being proud of me because I am strong as a person and able to overcome relationship problem, I imagine myself looking at myself and be proud of myself 🙂

If anyone is to ask me what is love, honestly, I have no idea but at least now I know I have to deal with my insecurity first before embarking on another journey in search of the answer to that question.

I will be able to do it, anyone that gives themselves chance, can do it!

Control the Mind or the Mind will Control You

Have you ever daydream you achieve certain success or being in a relationship, but all these are just your imagination?  We are asked to dream big, but in most cases, are we just hallucinating, or are we working towards that dream?  We never take action, the person never knew you like them, but you continue on daydreaming…and daydreaming…in a never ending circle.  The worst case, dwelling into the same problem over and over again.

Instead, take that small step.  If you imagine yourself getting that promotion, why not talk to you colleagues or friends is the promotion is available, or how to get there.  Be friends with that person, or simply, join a class you always wanted.  This is what I called Small Step that makes wonders!

Once you break free from daydreaming, you will slowly open your hearts, open your eyes to even more wonderful things.

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