I had been repeating this same story over and over again and I want to let this go but I know is a valuable learning lesson for myself. My bro told me to write a book and all profits go to support RP patients, I seriously do not think anyone will be interested.
This is not to blame anyone, there is no one to blame, I did not choose my genes. I guess this is something most RP patients will ask, can my partner accept me when I am blind, can his/her family be able to accept my condition and how if I choose not to have kid? This is my experience, everyone goes through different experience.
Yes, I decided to leave Melbourne and go back to my hometown to be with family and fiance. Is a small city with terrible or almost nonexistence public transport. I decided to stop driving, I do not want an accident to happen to other people just because it was more convenient for me to drive. The first week I am back, everyday my parents will drive me to my then fiance’s home, which he lives with his family. We work in the same place. That week, every day his mum attended Qi Gong classes.
After a week, on a Thursday specifically, his mum did not attend the class instead, she stayed home. She told me she has something to tell me. She said I came too early and it disturbed his son’s sleep. I told her honestly, I told my fiance, I will follow my brother in law to work as he lives nearby and needs to send his son to school but my fiance insisted I followed his car. Then his mum said, you need to be independent, once in a while you need to drive. This was a slap in the face. She did not know my condition.
Before I decided to get engaged, from the start of the relationship, I told my ex, please inform your family about my eye condition and he replied he did. His parents said it is up to him to make the decision. He said he choose to be with me, that is why I agreed to go with the engagement. I have nothing to hide. I told her nicely about my condition, where I am slowly losing my eye sight. And she said sorry for bringing this up and she made a point to add that I must realised that things are getting more expensive now. I replied her honestly, I am glad she brought this up. I have nothing to hide. She told me to meditate so oxygen will flow to the eyes. I agreed. Then she said maybe you guys should consider getting married and age is catching up and you might have problem having kids. This was the biggest slap, she didn’t know this is a genetic problem. I told her nicely, you are a mother, you should be able to understand how I feel, I cannot put myself to have kid knowing I am going blind and to have a kid like my condition, I really have no heart to do so. I said I am Buddhist and I know, as long as I am on this earth, we have to go through this suffering. Her replied, this is my karma. I am glad all these happened right in front of the Buddha statue because it gave me this calmness, superficial you might called me. I gathered myself and by then my ex came out from his room. I am glad his brother followed in the car. It gave me time to think through things. Before this, we agreed no kid but when my then fiance saw the article on surrogate mother, ovum donated from others, he did brought the topic up. But from the start I really do not want to burden another human being.
That afternoon, I confronted him, why didn’t you tell your family? Why did you lie about telling your family when you didn’t? He replied, he really love me for my honestly from the start and my willingness to communicate about everything. The trust is broken, I think his mum “rescued” the situation from turning bad. From the start until now, I do not blame him, I do not have the heart to blame him at all. He is a normal person that only want a normal family. Now is clear, I know his family really want him to have a normal family and most of all, he wants kids. My personal advice, in a relationship, if both are heading the same direction, is alright but when both are moving the opposite ways, re-evaluate the relationship. Is hard now but is better now then later, is for the best. I did not see this coming but is not surprising. I think I am upfront about my condition, preparing for the worse, despite all these, things might not necessary turn the way you expect, because age changes what we want. I too understand, time heals. I only wish him and his family the best.
A good friend asked me, what is your plan now? Pick up the loose end. Finish my PhD, be comfortable in my own skin, to travel again, maybe design things for the people like me or teach programming to kids 🙂 Keep the hope alive! This is my karma! 😀